Asking for Help: Why It’s One of the Strongest Things You Can Do
- Tracey Mudge
- Jul 30
- 6 min read
We live in a culture that glorifies independence. Phrases like “keep your chin up” or “push through it” are often worn like badges of honour. Somewhere along the way, many of us internalised the idea that asking for help means we’re failing. If we were truly strong, we’d be able to sort it all out ourselves, right? Wrong.
That belief might feel familiar and even protective, but it’s outdated and unhelpful. True strength isn’t about doing it all alone. It’s about knowing when you’ve reached your limit and choosing to reach out anyway. That’s not failure. That’s wisdom. That’s courage. That’s growth.
This Tracey Lee Coaching blog is for the people who are tired but still functioning. The ones who are outwardly holding it all together but quietly wondering how much longer they can. The ones who believe they should be coping but feel guilty or ashamed that they’re not.
Let’s talk about why asking for help can be hard, but why it matters now more than ever.
Why It Feels So Hard to Ask for Help
Asking for help can feel like stepping off a ledge. Even if you know you need support, there’s a wall that can rise up internally. Fear, shame, pride, or even confusion about what to ask for are incredibly normal and yet unhelpful responses many of us have when faced with asking for help. Here’s why:
Fear of Judgment
“What will they think of me?” Many people fear being seen as weak, dramatic, or burdensome. This fear often stems from childhood or past relational experiences where vulnerability was met with criticism, invalidation, or abandonment.
Guilt and Comparison
“I don’t have it that bad. Other people are worse off.” Minimising your pain doesn’t make it go away; it just buries it deeper. Comparison invalidates your own needs, which over time can compound feelings of shame and unworthiness.
Internalised Self-Reliance
“I’ve always been the strong one. I can’t fall apart now.” This belief often stems from trauma or learned roles in childhood. If you were the caretaker, the peacekeeper, or the achiever, asking for help can feel like violating a core identity.
Not Knowing How or Where to Start
“I don’t even know what I’d say.” When life feels overwhelming, even the idea of asking for help can be too much. Finding the right words, person, or service can feel like yet another thing you have to figure out, especially when you’re already feeling depleted.
Why Asking for Help Matters
When we don’t ask for help, the pressure doesn’t go away - it compounds. The weight builds quietly at first: stress lingers, sleep suffers, our patience wears thin. What started as feeling "a bit off" can gradually grow into burnout, anxiety, or emotional numbness. We become irritable with the people we love. We lose motivation, clarity, and joy. We withdraw - not because we don’t care, but because we’re too depleted to show up fully.
Over time, the silence becomes its own kind of struggle. And the longer we try to carry it all alone, the harder it gets to speak up.
That’s why asking for help isn’t just about easing the load in the moment; it’s about breaking a cycle before it deepens. It’s a way of stepping in before things spiral. A way of saying, “I matter enough to not let this go unchecked.” And yet, so many of us wait.
We treat mental and emotional health like something we’ll get to later once the workday’s done, once the kids are settled, once everything else is managed. But mental health isn’t a luxury or a side project. It’s the foundation everything else rests on.
When we’re emotionally unwell, it touches everything:
We lose focus and struggle with memory.
Our sleep gets disrupted and our energy tanks drain.
We become short-tempered, withdrawn, or flat.
We stop enjoying the things that once gave us purpose.
We lose connection (to ourselves and others).
And here’s the thing: you don’t need a diagnosis to justify reaching out. You don’t have to be in crisis to deserve care. Feeling off, unmotivated, anxious, or emotionally stuck is enough. Your discomfort doesn’t need to be dramatic to be valid.
Getting help early (before things unravel) can make all the difference. Just like with a physical injury, emotional wounds are easier to heal when we tend to them sooner. Sometimes, it only takes one honest conversation to change your entire direction.
So don’t wait for things to get unbearable. You’re allowed to seek support simply because you want to feel better. You’re allowed to get help before you hit breaking point. That isn’t weakness. It’s wisdom.
What Asking for Help Can Look Like
There’s no perfect script or ideal moment to ask for help. Sometimes it’s a slow unravelling you barely notice until the weight becomes undeniable. Other times, it’s a split-second decision - a quiet moment where the mask slips and you let yourself be seen.
You might start avoiding phone calls or messages because everything feels like too much. You might snap at people you care about, then feel awful and confused afterwards. Or maybe you’ve been keeping busy nonstop (not because you’re thriving, but because slowing down would mean facing what’s really going on).
These signs aren’t failures. They’re signals. Gentle (or sometimes not-so-gentle) nudges from your mind and body saying, “This isn’t working anymore. Please pay attention.” And then (sometimes without a plan or a perfect sentence) something shifts. You act on it. You let someone in.
That might look like:
Whispering to a partner, “I’m not okay.”
Crying in your GP’s office because you finally said it out loud.
Texting a friend, “I don’t need advice, I just need someone to listen.”
Booking a counselling session, even if you're not sure what you’ll say.
Telling a coach or therapist, “I don’t even know where to start.”
Writing in your notes app: “I’m not coping.”
Leaving a voice message that took three tries to record.
These aren’t just actions. They’re moments of truth. They’re signs that you’re honouring your limits instead of pushing through them. That you’re choosing self-awareness over suppression. That you’re starting to believe your wellbeing matters. And that maybe, just maybe, you don’t have to carry everything alone anymore.
Support Looks Different for Everyone
There is no universal formula for healing. Just like no two people experience stress or pain the same way, the kind of support that helps can vary widely. And that’s okay.
Some people find clarity through talk therapy - a space to unpack, process, and put language to what’s been weighing them down. For others, coaching feels more aligned - a collaborative space to untangle what’s next, build momentum, and reconnect with purpose.
Some need a physiological reset - where medication, sleep support, or hypnotherapy can help regulate the nervous system and restore balance.
Others find connection and relief in community: a support group, a trusted friend, a safe online forum where they don’t have to pretend or explain.
The truth is, it might take some experimenting. You might not click with the first professional you meet. You might try something that doesn’t help right away. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it means you’re human! Keep exploring. Your version of support is out there.
And you’re not weak for needing it. You’re brave for seeking it.
If You’re Not Sure Where to Start
So many people delay getting help because they don’t know what to say. But starting the conversation doesn’t require clarity, it just requires honesty.
Maybe all you can manage is:
“I’m not feeling like myself lately.”
“Things have felt heavy lately and I don’t know why.”
“I think I need to talk to someone, but I’m nervous.”
That’s enough. That’s more than enough.
You don’t need a tidy backstory or a bullet-point list of symptoms. You don’t even need to know what kind of help you need yet. All you need is the willingness to speak the truth of what you're feeling - even if your voice shakes, even if you’re unsure what comes next.
Start with someone you trust. Or reach out to a professional. Or even just write it down for yourself. Naming it is the first act of reclaiming it.
You Are Not a Burden. You Are a Person with Needs
We live in a world that often rewards over-functioning. That praises people for “pushing through,” for being “low maintenance,” for not needing too much. But those aren’t badges of honour, they’re warning signs.
Your needs don’t make you a burden. They make you a human being. Your feelings aren’t flaws. They’re signals. Your exhaustion isn’t a personal failing. It’s a message worth listening to.
Asking for help is not about weakness. It’s about choosing a different kind of strength - one rooted in self-respect, honesty, and the belief that you’re worthy of care.
So if you’ve been waiting for a sign, let this be it. Reach out. Speak up. Let someone in.
You don’t have to keep pretending. You don’t have to wait until it’s unbearable. You don’t have to hold it all together to deserve support. Asking for help and care isn’t too much - it's necessary.
Need Someone to Talk To?
At Tracey Lee Coaching, I offer affordable coaching, counselling, and therapy - because support shouldn’t be out of reach. Whether you’re feeling overwhelmed, stuck in a loop, or just need space to breathe and be heard, you’re welcome here.
Visit my website to learn more or book a session. www.traceyleecoaching.co.nz
You don’t have to do it all alone. Let’s work through it together.
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